Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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