Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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