I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
