So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
