Me. At least after what I've been through.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
