i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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