I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
