remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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