White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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