you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
