we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
