she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
