K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
