He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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