your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
