First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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