Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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