Me too!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
