omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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