i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't turn off my feet"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
