Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
