No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
