she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
