just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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