Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
