Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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