I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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