i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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