Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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