this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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