pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
