If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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