She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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