You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
