how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
