I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
