I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
