and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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