I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
