I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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