I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
