I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
