Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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