how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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