So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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