it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
