Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
