a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
