I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As shirtless as possible
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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