Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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